You did not choose me; I have choosen you. [ Saint John 15 ]

 

[ Drawings by Sister John Francis ]

I thank the Lord everyday

From as far back as I can remember I never wanted anything else except to be a nun, where that came from I am not sure. I did have an Aunt a nun in a Missionary Order, she was allowed home every seven years, she was home when I was very young. I have a vague memory of her holiday that year and I feel my wanting to be a nun came from that time. It remained with me right through National School. One morning the teacher announced that two nuns would visit the school in the afternoon, " hands up anyone who would like to be a nun ". I reasoned it out this way - yes I'd like to be a nun but if I put my hand up these Sisters will bring me to their congregation and God may not want me there, I am too young now to know where God wants me so I will keep my hand down. Don't think for a moment I was a Holy Mary, far from it; I was absolutely full of life up to all sorts of tricks and jokes. It remained with me through Secondary school. On my last year in Secondary school when I returned in September ( I was a boarder in Secondary ) I knew I would have to make a decision on what I was going to do. So one evening I went down to the Church to pray about my future, I still felt a calling to the religious life but wondered if I should do nursing as a career for a few years. I was perfectly free to say yes or no to God's call, deep down I knew I would never be happy unless I did God's will.

" In God's will is our peace " [ Dante ]

So at this point I knew God was calling me to religious life and I said no to nursing. As to where God wanted me I left that decision for another day. At the end of February or the beginning of March we had our 3-day Retreat, so one evening I went down to the Church again to see where the Lord wanted me. Simply in my own words I told the Lord I was prepared to go wherever He wanted me. I knew of the apostolate and work of four different orders, so I placed each of them before the Lord one at a time and His answer to each of them for me was no, so now I was going to have to write to other Orders and find out about their way of life. Then the Poor Clare's came to mind but they were not for me and I did not have them on my list !. Then I said I better do this right and put them before the Lord and then I can go and write to the other Orders !. I placed the Poor Clare way of life before the Lord, not thinking I was going to be stopped in my gallop when I heard Him say I want you there. My reaction was no Lord I could not stay behind four walls for the rest of my life and His answer was if I want you to stay I will give you the grace to stay. I had no answer for that. I said I would answer and at that moment I was filled with indescribable peace and happiness.

I thank the Lord everyday for the grace of my vocation, for recognising His call and answering it, " You did not choose me, I have chosen you. " [ John 15 ]. With the Psalmist we sing " the Lord is faithful in all his words and loving in all his deeds ". We cannot emphasise enough the importance of prayers and openess to God's will.

Pope Benedict XVI and Pope John Paul II put it beautifully.

" What are you seeking ?
  What is God whispering to you ?
  The hope which never disappoints is Jesus Christ " [ Benedict XVI ]

" Jesus makes himself known in silence and in prayer. In that intimacy you will be able to hear the invitation of the Good Shepheard ! Follow me " [ Pope John Paul II ]

Words to Inspire

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I dedicated you. ( Jeramiah 1.5 )